Weather: Cold. Somewhere between colder than a well diggers posterior and slightly warmer than a witch’s tit in a brass bra
– SSH, ATT, Windmills. Typical stuff -15 IC. Lap around parking lot. Yada yada.
Your boy Cousin Eddie really likes mumblechatter. Hearing it. Giving it. Laughing at it. Farting it. I take all forms. MC is significantly reduced when all or some pax are counting some ridiculous number of reps. Like counting to 10 for example. Come on! So in another effort to increase the chatter, YHC decides to have timed reps. 30 seconds of this, 2 minutes of that. Let’s see how that worked:
– 1 minute of burpees. Zero chatter. Cricket City over here.
– 1 minute of flutterkicks. Did Doughboy just say something? Oh hey, tumbleweeds.
– 1:30 of squats. Emphasis on good squats. Back bends not allowed. “Everybody watch T-Bone.” The dude is Squat-a-rific. Chatter slowly starting up.
– 2:00 of Dying Cockroaches. Patty Mayo and/or T Bone chime in. Here we go. Something about roaches don’t take this long to die. I think Doughboy said something about how he and his boys at the Mount need to whip up the Sallies at the Star (SaS) into shape.
– 2:30 of LBC’s. Note to self: doubling up on an ab exercise not the best idea. 30 seconds into this one, I was considering a redeux. Screw that. Patty does these in his sleep. Can’t let the pax know that I’m already ready to quit and circle up. Or maybe they already know due to my Squints-esque grunting. Have you heard him? Sounds like he and a female Sasquatch are getting busy in the back of a movie theatre. Not that I know what that sounds like or anything….have you seen some of the Billy Goat’s Gruffs that I dated back in the day? Man Hands: I’ll just leave that one alone.
– 3:00 of Hand Release Merkins. I don’t care who you are, that sucked. If only Flamer were here to pound his chest. Something about how Granite Falls is getting numbers to post, but they still can’t do one cumulative team pull up****. 2018 is your year guys. You can do it, keep training.
– Grab yourself a partner. 20 partner derkins*. Flip.
* Ed did 18 and crapped out. I owe you boys 2. Write it down. Hold me accountable. That was embarrassing but the HR merkins did me in.
– Back to back w/ same partner. 20 Squartners (partner squats). Man, I like that name. I’ll be submitting that to the lexicon thing. T Claps to Patty. Dude had to squat me and I’m pretty sure he only weighs a buck 20. I am 2 bucks and a 20. I said it last week but I have feeling that PM has done some heroic stuff that he’s yet to reveal. Or maybe he’s just a fine athlete turned lumberjack? Beard game is strong. I digress with my man crushing.
– 1:30 of WWII’s/Big Boys. Whatever they are. Grunting resumes. Chatter remains strong. Ed is pleased. (that’s what she said). Another comment about Taylorsville and their love of Asian Gangster/Fast and Furious cars. How do they fit in those things?
– 2:00 Lunges. Actually 2:26. See below for explanation. Kentucky Waltz
– 2:30 Plank Jacks. Technically, we did 2:45 to the sounds of my boy, Bill Monroe. Katy Hill from his live album. Can you really get any better than the grandfather of bluegrass? Note: I really was hoping that Tooth Fairy and/or Beaker were posting for this musical selection. TF was so enthralled with my last selection of Carteno – Mexican Electronica – that I knew he would appreciate this one. Next time, TF. Next time.
– 3:00 Pretzels. 3:25 to be exact. Same musician. Same album. Cotton Eyed Joe is the song for pleasures. Chatter climaxes with the pretzels. (TWSS)
Grab blocks, head to foosball field.
Line up. One pax calls exercise for the rest to do while he runs to other end of field and back. Went something like this: curls, trusters (T Bone, those really sucked. Thank you), bench press, goblet squat
Pick up block. Carry 20 yards while overhead pressing said block.
10 box jump burpees (technically block jump burpees, but you get the idea)
Overhead press for 20 yards:
– 20 Russian Twists
OH press 20 yards:
– 20 Kettle bells
OH, 20 yards:
– already forgotten
OH to end zone:
– something (wow, nice memory Ed. Perhaps I need to start taking some….what’s that memory remembering drug called? I forgot. Whatever)
Repeat pax calling exercise while running to other end zone.
Curls, skull crushers, bench press, something else. It still sucked.
Carry block back to Ed’s sweet ride.
WOD: He Is Coming Back – “Keep a sharp lookout! For you do not know when I will come…Watch for my return!”
– Mark 13: 35, 36
Always a pleasure men. See yall at Copperhead Creek next week for 1st Saturday Convergence.
**Abe gets Honorable Mention for posting and running instead of lifting things. Semi-Honorable Mentions to Markup and Fuse for a pre-run. Although technically it’s just a run since you’d have to do something post-run other than hop in your car to qualify for a pre-run.
*** if you’ve read all the way down to here, your name is Cropduster. Or you’re just bored. Or I’m like Bill Friggin’ Shakespeare up in this mother. I’ll take “C” for the win, Alex.
**** Ed can crank out roughly 0.50 of a pull up, but I can’t not talk junk.